Oh God I'm doing this

Yes I am keeping up with my blog. Sort of. I can't believe it. I graduated. I'm overcome by a ton of different emotions. I'm also realizing that I haven't felt the full force of leaving the HC. I'm still under the drunken fantasy of continuing school in a week or two, seeing all my friends, hanging out at the lounge and having discussions. I'm waiting for Tuesday or Thursday to go on my usual Office Hour run to see Hettich or Davis. Carla would go too sometimes, we'd see each other unplanned. I'm really going to miss her. Hell I'm going to miss everyone, even the people I don't like. Even the classes I don't like or Model UN in its infinite wastefulness. At least it was still a connection to the things I care about most.

I'm still going to be there for summer I tell myself. Yes, some of the old crew will be around for another six weeks. But the overall atmosphere of the HC is gone. As cliche and overly sentimental as I sound I do feel like I will carry the spirit of the HC with me when I finally do go. That in itself is comforting. I wondered what it would be like starting college, like I wonder now where I will go and how it will be. But I was never overcome by so much grief. Its the silent backdrop of most of my outings. Don't get me wrong either, there was a few great people back in High School who I was close to, but it wasn't overall this amazing. I'm going to miss the first years too. I'm going to miss messing with them or the chess games I'd play with them. I'm proud to know that at least the ones I became close to are promising, and will continue to keep the torch aflame so to speak. I can leave and return content. I want to sit down and write something meaningful to all the faculty that have helped me along the way, the ones I am proud to call friends not simply Professors or Directors.

I don't know. That's the vastness of my feelings right now. I imagine I will be posting about thoughts like this regularly, and if not you can wager they'll be on my mind.

I'm thinking of a whole bunch of other things. Some people. You'll remember my blogs for their vagueness, I promise you. Still.

I also want to write on my own. I'm thinking of starting a novel but I think I need a small push from my professors. Maybe I'll write something and show them? Instead of being such a bitch and waiting for their blessing? Lol. I'm not sure. I want to work on poetry too. And read more, much more. I also want to watch a ton of movies. I'm excited to welcome Jenny back to Miami. She's one of the close ones from High School, and a relic of Middle School lol.

Not to mention my anxious/nervous/worried/excited feelings about the postal service. I want my decision letters already! Deny or accept me, but do it soon! I got to tell other schools what I'm going to do, and I'm driving myself crazy.

I saw American Beauty the other night. Its a must see. In fact I'll end my entry today with that. What are you doing reading this? Find that movie now.