I should have been a pair of ragged claws...

We spoke briefly over chat. Very formal. Very cut. Measured and delivered like one would carry a spoon of sugar to a cup of bitter tea.

She signed off abruptly too. I know she doesn't have Internet herself so she was probably at the library, she is at school today after all. I'm not sure if signing off abruptly was intentional, it could have been the school, maybe she had to go, or wanted to. I'm typically left with more questions than answers.

Sleep was interrupted, I kept waking up and I'm not sure why. The few intervals of sleep were not bad though. I have the benefit of forgetting my dream last night, although I do remember this song called "I'll be" by Edwin McCain playing.

The day has been too short I suppose to paint. Though I think I have had enough of it. Time seems more of a chore lately, like walking through a wall of wind. The irony is I'm not moving much.

Now I know I am crazy. She just signed back on, telling me the campus Internet was acting up. She had to leave though because class was starting. I know her schedule fairly well, Monday and Wednesdays are hectic. (I had actually intended on surprising her by showing up for lunch or something but time would not allow it.) Either way, she said talk to you soon.

I am crazy! Talk to me soon?! That beats the hell out of NTTYA (Never Talk To You Again) lol, oh lord. Even if its this tea spoon-sugar-tea talk, its something! Its not an attempt to shut me out of her life!

Still. I won't get too excited either. Its also very possible that she has completely digested me out of her system. Perhaps I am the only fool who dwells on things. Perhaps she has dropped me like a pair of undergarments before showering, to wash herself of me with new experiences. I don't know.

Not only am I crazy, but I'm simple. Something like this will delight me all day. I know something now. Either she wants to at least continue as a friend, or she is still thinking. Either way, its not removing me from her life. I don't know what that implies. But at the state I have been the last few days, this is definitely an upward motion.

I feel a little lighter. I think I'll eat something today. See some friends. Play scrabble. I dunno. I do feel a little animated.

Lets see if this feeling lasts. This pair of jeans are suddenly not so stiff.