Floating on a tidal wave

I neglect this far too often. I've just been so distracted with really nothing that I haven't posted. I keep a dream journal regularly now. Perhaps I can only have one love, the journal or the blog.

Nah, its not mutually exclusive. Lol. I'll probably update this all the time when I'm in Amherst. All my friends in the northeast do it so maybe its a New England thing.

I still think of her sometimes. Fondly though. Usually. Sometimes with a hint of somberness. Its strange I think how I responded so....well and healthy to how we ended. I think if it were me a year ago I would have probably...well I don't know what I would have done. But it would have crippled me surely. Its not that I'm less emotional now, on the contrary I probably revel in even more emotional and contemplative interactions. My responses have changed. And really that makes all the difference. We can't help the way we feel after all.

How is our friendship? Well its nearly non existent now. Why is that? Well I stopped calling her after I saw her trying to move on. She has every right to happiness and to be free of me for one, and I think its best right now if her and I spent time apart. I still think of her fondly. She plays a role in my dreams too, directly or indirectly. I'm realizing that now that I remember them so vividly, and I write them down. Keeping a journal actually increases memory. I remembered six or seven dreams the other morning. That's ridiculous! The most I had remembered before was about three or four. Anyways I think I'll contact her before I go if she hasn't contacted me, tell her I'd still love to be her friend. I hope we can be friends, I really do like her as a person.

Sometimes people fall for each other at the wrong time. Life is bittersweet like that. I don't hold any grudges. I just want to feel and participate in the world, be vividly part of it.

I've been listening to Coldplay for the last six days. I'm just in a Coldplay mood. X&Y is my favorite album =)

I'll try to do this more often. I really do like it.